More Joy-filled Smiles, Anyone?

 Hmm. Joy.

How often do you feel it during an average day?

When teaching Art of Feminine Presence™ classes, I’ve been observing that when most women are in their feminine essence, their eyes begin to sparkle and a beautiful smile appears, seemingly without any particular reason. There is an inherent joy present that is independent of any particular event or circumstance.

So, as women, why aren’t we in that state all the time? (And by the way, everything I’m writing about is true of most men and being in their masculine essence).

Imagine a spectrum that has masculine essence on one side and feminine essence on the other. In the middle, between the two, is the dreaded Neutral Zone: a grey, uninspiring place where all the have to-s, should-s and obligations live.

You can find guilt there as well as depression, over-giving, boredom, shallow breathing, hunched shoulders and martyrdom. Sometimes the neutral zone takes over most of our lives, and we think that this is normal or all we can expect.

A common myth that gets promoted in our culture is that when women lack joy in life, it’s because they are mostly living in their masculine essence.

I disagree.

Women can experience joy at both ends of the spectrum: when they’re in their masculine essence, they connect to a sense of direction and focus, things get done and that can feel great. And for a small percentage of women, independent of their sexual orientation, their greatest joy is being in the masculine essence. It just depends, and the surest indicator is the spontaneous smile and internal sense of lightness and engagement that happens when you are in your natural essence.

There is definitely no joy in neutral! Sometimes it may seem quiet and relaxing, comfortable and undemanding – but there is no joy!

So where do you spend most of your day?

If you find yourself stuck a lot in neutral, here are a couple of ideas how to move yourself into a more joyful state of being:

1. Pay attention to your body:

To connect more with the feminine essence, walk around with your attention on your hips and lower abdomen. To connect more with your masculine essence, walk with your attention on the upper body and the shoulders. Just moving around for a couple of minutes with a focus on these body aspects will begin to shift your state. Notice if you can stay long enough in one of the essences to feel a smile come on.

 2. Connect with your desires:

What are you doing because you should or have to? Remember that those patterns are part of the neutral zone. What do you truly want? When you act on your own desires, you create an energetic connection to your life force. Your actions become an authentic expression of yourself. This creates a sense of flow in your life, which makes everything easier to manage.

3. Play with your perspective:

Have a fresh look at each activity that you do during the day. How does it enrich and contribute to your unique life experience? Find one benefit and then your mind will start looking for more. Can you put elements of play, exploration and joy into it by placing your conscious attention on it?

For example: How can you wash dishes and make it awesome?

Brief check-ins from time to time will give you feedback about your state of being. The beauty of life is that you can always choose to change states, if you are willing.

Looking forward to seeing all those joyous smiles!

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