Go for No and Ask for Help





To-do list too long??

Isn’t it amazing that no matter who you talk to, somehow the conversation always steers toward being too busy, hardly having time for oneself and so very often not even sure what to do about it?

It seems like this is the new normal.

When I talk to my clients about their exhaustion and overwhelm, it becomes very clear that they deeply desire to take care of everything and everybody in their lives in the best possible way. They want to be seen as valuable in their relationships and work. Often that plays out in feeling responsible for making sure everything goes smoothly, so they assume more tasks or take longer in their care than it is healthy for them to do. Inevitably, they become exhausted, depleted and resentful and their good intentions backfire: not only do they suffer, but their families and work do as well.

It is so easy and natural for all of us to become so focused on others and our to-do list that we forget to put ourselves first.

Deep inside, we all “know” that taking care of ourselves is most important, but do we do it??

It seems, knowing is one thing, implementing it a whole other process!!

Why do we continue down a path that we know is not working for us?

So often it has to do with our desire to have worth and to be accepted in the world. Even though we may not consciously agree with statements like:
”Less engagement means less value” or
“Taking time for yourself is selfish and unproductive”,
they still are paradigms in our culture and therefore sit in our unconscious mind and direct our actions.

So, how do you get yourself out of this loop?

My suggestion:
“Go for No” and “Ask for help”

They both sound easy enough, but are you actually using them in your daily life?

How about “No”?

Saying “no” means that you are creating a boundary between you and the world outside of you. This can be quite scary and may bring up the fear that you could become less likable and even be rejected by people you care about. Actually quite the opposite is true. When you are clear about what is really important to you and begin to say “no” to some things, then each “yes” becomes more powerful. People will trust you more as they know what you stand for.

And help?

Asking for help can be challenging, as most people want to be perceived as being capable and a valuable member within their work and family circle. However, when you ask for help from a place of clarity and self-responsibility, not neediness, it opens the door to allow new perspectives to come forward and creates support and trust.

While you may unconsciously shy away from “no” and asking for help because you think that they lessen your value and desirability, the opposite is true.

In order to trust another person, we want and need to know what they stand for in life and what they will and can offer.

So have a look: is there anywhere in your life that deserves a “no”? How would asking for help with one aspect, one project, one responsibility offer you needed support?

Summon your courage and take the leap!

Amara’s Musings: Creating Spaciousness - Inside and Out

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